Love a lads perspective

Food for thought: Have you ever seen a couple squabbling in public, say at a bus stop? Of the sexes who’s body language is the more dominant ... hmmmm?!

I wrote this message trying to explain a few things (like demands) to a friend of mine about my current views about relationships. I feel it might explain what’s in a lot of male commitmophobes heads lol

"When I say I don’t take well to demands I mean I don’t appreciate when my partner tries to dictate to me with regards to time, commitment, romance etc. Although this is a generalisation I feel guys pick a woman and are content where as women pick a man and then want to change him. Sometimes this results in the man being a different person and subsequently the woman can go off him.

I personally am not ready to give that much of myself so soon. In a healthy relationship you both need separate lives but when you are together its needs to be pure passion like one! Damn I sound like a pussy! But that’s real! Whether I want that I don’t know its much simpler being single plus as a guy I reckon I’ve got a shelf life of about 40 lol"

Peace

Sorry I've been real busy! I've got loads to discuss but no time; coming soon I promise. But I have a point that I would like to raise with everyone interested in relationships. Feel free to call me a chauvinist if you disagree!

Modern Ladies! With all these new values would you agree that you are reducing your chances of finding the right man! Not that your values are wrong but we must look at it from an objective point of view.

1. Men generally pursue.
2. Are a modern womans values what they are looking for?
3. With the influx of foreign competition with differing values will they choose her first.
4. If her values continue to possibly differ from many of these men does this mean she... must now pursue for a man?
5. If so does this defeat the dream of a night in shining armour and if not can you imagine a domesticated knight in reality.

I am just talking remember! Please educate me because I have more questions.

Tip of the day: A man or woman will never learn from nagging he/she will only tire. People only change as a result of consequence. - Face

Right now I must get off all this lovi dovi and get back to my original purpose. Relationship topics:

* When a man looks at another woman
* When a woman asks a man about her appearance or another woman’s
* Outside influences
* When a man becomes distant (coming soon)
* Real trust and the dreaded mobi (coming soon)
* Expectation (coming soon)

Outside Influences

Now this is a good one! In relationships we are quick to blame a lot of people, but who do we blame last … exactly? For some reason we are slow to criticise ourselves. Here are a few of my favourites:

“I wasn’t driving so I couldn’t force my mate to leave early to get here in time.”
“My battery died and I forgot”
“Well such and such did it…?”

The fact is we all have a moral-a-meter inside and we know when we have over stepped the mark and secondly if you have a real understanding and respect for your partner this should not occur to effect your relationship.

Again it boils down to trust! I always remember when my mate was running late to meet his girl coming back from up north and was blaming traffic (the outside influence), but in reality he was just late so because his girl didn’t believe him she still gave him a b*llocking. Hence they probably had a night in sulking and no one benefits.

I look at it like this, outside influences may or may have not had an effect on circumstances but they do not effect the outcome between the two of you. Ultimately you have to take that person on their word and let it go else it will eat you up inside after all they have an excuse so it will never swing you way. Ultimately if you feel your trust is being abused then you take action and walk. The key is make sure you walk!

Quote of the day: Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. - David T. Wolf

Tip of the day: A new life is always but a stone throw away!

[Sankofa - An Adinkra symbol of importance of learning from the past]

Here I am 0035 on Fridays beginning. I can’t sleep and I usually don’t have a problem with nodding off! The reason why I can’t sleep is because I spoke to my ex! She kept the convo short because she had company, male company.

Now it’s funny because I have been chasing girls and released an “album” when we went to Manchester so I can’t be mad. I think it’s just an accumulation of things. She forgot my birthday number 1. If I did that I doubt she’d wanna talk to me, but that’s cool. Two she called me today complaining of not knowing what to do. She’s lost her phone and wanted my advice. It was strange because we haven’t talked in a week. Anyway naturally later in the evening I call her back around 2300. I find she has company. It’s almost like I feel her call was premeditated, knowing I would call later that night because in addition she wasn’t in the best of moods.

So here I am now! Tearful slightly but they no longer fall (that’s a good thing I am so much stronger). She forgets that I don’t take my mind there.

“Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts.” – Proverbs 4.23

Listening to Eric Benet - Hurricane I appreciate this album more and more.

“And in the end. You won’t break ‘cause your learning how to bend.”

“A hurricane, a hurricane/ Is sometimes the only way to wash away the pain /A hurricane, a hurricane/ Is sometimes the only thing that brings you back again”

BUY THIS ALBUM IF YOU HAVE BEEN WHERE I HAVE

Quote of the day: If her beauty is only skin deep then I am a shallow ass mutha f****! - Face

OK so whaa gwan since last. Boy times move fast! It was but a week and we already have more movement than some earth plates in the wrong areas.

Well I said I met a girl but it was as quick to arrive as it (the relationship not the womman hehe!) was to leave. As much as there was a communication breakdown (she speaks lil English and I don't speak anything but) the game she played was universal. Comments welcome ladies work this one out for me please!

Scenario:

1. We go out to a club have a great time even chemistry
2. I wait till We to call but I get a text saying “How come I haven’t heard from you does this mean I am like any other girl”
3. Cool … so I think she might quite like me. So I call back and arrange to meet her Fr, she says Th after she finishes work late …1am. 1am … in my language that means booty call, but I am not in that frame but I go anyway.
4. So much for booty call. She lives in one foreign student room with 3 others. Doh!
5. So I take her for coffee and we TRY to chat. I do most of the talking, mistake, but I was trying because I know hers is limited.
6. We arrange to meet Su her phones off.
7. I call her like Tu a man picks up, I leave a message “Just her friend D calling”.
8. We I send a text cos after-all the guy might not pass the message although I know she prob passed the phone to him.
9. In the text I say that I don’t like to phone to much and that if she ever wants to hang out call me.
10. Fri I get a text saying “I have difficulties speaking English so our relation seems impossible”. Cool so I reply “I understand but again if ever you want to come out to a let me know”
11. So Su I get a message saying I didn’t understand the text, but it can work but I seem unmotivated. I reply how can I be motivated when I don’t know how you feel.

So now here we are one day after my 27th and no word, plus I told her it was my birthday still no reply.

My diagnosis: She likes male attention, I made her doubt when I was distant from the beginning. She wants to see me chase to reaffirm her confidence. She has no real plans with taking things further else she would have made more effort and would want to meet up. Hence I’ve pulled the plug on this one!

Fill me in on this one ladies, is my diagnosis correct!

Anyway life goes on I met an Australian girl who was cool and an old flame from Italy who has booked me in for Valentines when she comes to London. Back on the block baby!

Oh and one more question? My Ex forgot my birthday is this intentional…has to be right?

Had to post this forward!

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion started to heat up, when she said "I don't feel like it. I just want you to hold ." I said "WHAT!!!!" So she said the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to here...... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom." Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a large, unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said let's get a pair for each outfit. We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited, she must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me because she asked a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her when I said "That's fine honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all the excitement. Smiling with anticipation she finally said "I think this is all darling, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT!!"

I then said "Really honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. Your just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

Man just wrote to my Dad for the first time in four years. He died of stomach cancer in 2001. My Mums going back to Ghana tommorrow for her friends funeral and she plans to visit his grave. He never got to see me graduate, so I sent him my grauation pic with some words... after all I got two now.

I cried hard for about 3 minutes I loved him so much. Funny how you can just break down in a second huh!

Lets call this a different love to the norm that I usually blog. Peace!

Love you dad, Kobs x

Tip of the day: Playing games gives you a 50/50 chance of winning, is it worth the gamble in a relationship with someone u love?

So she calls me right after having her phone off for most of the weekend! I pick up. We chat, I tell her about watching a movie and straight away she’s like which girl did I watch it with. So I tell it was with my mate but she don’t believe me but it was the truth. I explain to her that now we are separated if we want to maintain a friendship we can’t keep trying to pry info out of each other that the other doesn’t want to disclose. She takes offence I can tell in her tone. After all she has been AWOL since Friday, if I think like her I’d 'of gone crazy.

To top it off she says "ok, then you can’t ask me of my movements" which I don’t really. But I see her moves before she has! She forgets I used to play the game like a chess champion. So as we draw to a close she says “OK I better go now, because I have to get ready!”. I say “OK (sarcastically) bye!”. So you want me to wonder where you’re off to? And I do for a minute but I know it’s a game and if it isn’t… I care less now. Time is a healer; after all I have several friends. In fact one I quite like but it’s too soon, plus her English isn’t great. But a foreign romance always has a thrill to it. So that’s that! She forgets that I am capable of detaching like a Velcro strap.

I don’t think we will get back together as we are no longer friends in its true sense. Although I don’t want to tell her I have met this girl I quite like. Because after all for once I am not actually trying to get into her pants but instead get to know her. She’s gorgeous but I actually want to spend time rather than go in head first, so to speak lol!

Quote of the day: "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all." - Samuel Butler

Quote of the day: Time and tide waits for no man - Shakespeare

Damn time heals for real! As time goes by and life passes we are able to re-evaluate; understand that God gave us the stength to be our own mate.

Damn that only child is back on his lone ride again and actually it's not that bad!

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." - actor Steven Seagal

"Ah, yes 'divorce' from the Latin word meaning 'to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet'." - comedian Robin Williams

"No-one would remember the Good Samaritan if he'd only had good intentions. He had money as well." - the caring, sharing Margaret Thatcher

"Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping." – Bo Derek