QUOTE OF THE DAY: I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity. - Gilda Radner
Life a pure roller coaster. I am 27 have never been in so many minds all at one time. Where do I start well this week my Gran died to add to my already emotional state. I know there will be tears on the Monday (her funeral) but the African way is rather to look at it as a celebration of her life. After all she had a great life huge family and was well cared for all the way up until she chose to leave this earth. She had a good innings one might say!
It’s funny how life is huh? Signs, Gut instincts, chance meetings, past returning to present, everything happening for a reason.
Signs
The week b4 Gran passed Mum and I were at her care home with family to make her comfortable in this new environment. She tried to say something to us but can no longer process speech properly. All she could muster was “Barbara”. This could be one of two people her Sister (RIP) or her daughter, my Mum’s twin sister (RIP). If ever you wanted a SIGN this was it. In my eyes and Mums Gran was ready to leave, maybe Angel Barbara was there telling her it was time. She passed the next week, rest in peace Gran L
Gut Instinct
But God always dishes good and bad out in doses. Although still broken up with passed girlfriend I am still there for her as protector/mentor/boyfriend minus the physical whatever you wanna call it. I just can’t let her go and neither can she … see new Ne-Yo to get an idea how I’m feeling. Don’t worry still won’t go back I still know it aint right. However I’m straying off the point. To keep it short I supported her all the way through uni and she’s just got her first acting contract today boy I’m so happy for her. I had a GUT feeling she was going to be successful that was about four years ago when she first did her audition-for-college-practice in my bedroom. I was mesmerised, couldn’t take my eyes off her WOW!
Chance meetings
I go out on New Year meet a girl one of many at the time, but this girl is mature 3 years my elder and it works. We go for a drink and hit it off. But I don’t want to go in a relationship I know I am not ready. But I meet once a week and get a text everyday… aint that a bit too close to what I am trying to avoid. That night I chose to go out based on the theory any girl without their man on new years is 99% definitely single, so I put in work. More CHANCE and another roll of the dice.
Past returning to present
A girl I met in the PAST, 5 years ago comes to London for a holiday from Italy. We spend a great Valentines week together and there is a chance she might return in the summer. Again it works. Thanks to MSN for keeping peeps in touch.
Everything happening for a reason
So has this all happened for a reason who knows? In the space of a couple months I have met these two new great women but my heart (not my body) remain with my Ex. Throw on top of that a death in the family and what do you get but a slightly emotional young man.
Gosh I am confused…
“Am I in too deep with the New Year’s girl?”
“Should I give the foreign girl a chance?”
“Do I still want my ex?”
“Or does it hurt me to let her go after putting in so much to see her finally realise her success without me by her side?”
“Am I suppressing my hurt for Gran?”
All I can say is it’s a great learning experience and as long as I’ve got good music then I can channel all emotions that come my way.
In God we trust he’ll take me where I am supposed to go. ONE