To day I was cleaning out the closet but I mean literally “cleaning” and I came across a lil something I wrote a couple of years ago to get things off my chest. I think it summarises well how I feel about being in a relationship.
“So how do I feel?
Good question … I’m not sure, I can’t tell! I feel emotion I haven’t felt before.
I s this good?
Who knows.
Is it love?
I think so, I know [blank] is the cause of these feelings but are they good or bad?
Which out weighs which?
I know I’m confused. I’ve never had to write to myself. Never had to talk to other people ([blank], [blank], [blank], [blank]) about how I’m feeling or should be feeling. Is she right for me only the Lord knows? I wish she were 
! But if she were she would be more understanding. Can’t she see that I am trying to do what’s best for her?
No one should be too dependent the key to real stability is independence standing on your own two feet. Just you and your God like the footprints poem. But she doesn’t see that she sees me as selfish, nasty, stubborn, a bad person. I feel her anger, hate for every time we speak and it’s not good. I don’t see how it can work. I was strong now I feel weak; I was smart now I feel stupid. I need God, I feel lost.
Are these the things that come attached with love?
Is this why love is compared to pain?
Do I want to be here?
Yes in a way it’s worth fighting for but for how long if it can’t work out.
Why does she make me feel so selfish or is she the selfish one?
Everyday my heart cries … it must be love.
But is love really what I want?”